Monday Morning Weigh-In...

This morning I actually woke up early so I could have a little time to myself to write, have a coffee, and get this dastardly deed over with. I made sure I had the exact pants and thin shirt on I weighed with last Monday, and in retrospect I probably should have weighed in in just my underwear but then again, last Monday I was doing it on the sneak and if I was walking around half naked I'm sure my kids would have figured something weird was going on. I made sure I peed as that has to add at least a few ounces.

Then I stood there. Not on the scale, but right in front of it. It was almost if the score was tied with :20 left and they were about to send me in to kick a field goal- I was nervous as hell. What if I stepped on that scale and it was the same as last Monday? What if it was like 1/4 pound? Would my brain start to defeat me? Start to rationalize that this effort isn't worth it and start smooth talking me into my old habits? Would those waves of disappointment I'm so very used to crash over me and re-ignite that flame of worthlessness?

After what felt like an hour, I stepped up on that glass scale of destiny. I read what it said, then I stepped down, let it beep to 0 and stepped up again. All in all I tripled checked it to make sure it was a constant reading.

I lost 3.4 lbs. If I was able to I would have jumped up and clicked my heels together. Thing is, I ate! I got to eat the whole week, I never once felt deprived, sad, upset or irritated at this whole lifestyle change. It was just WHAT I chose to eat that made the difference. And I entertained. So I kind of feel it was two battles in one. I just chose to serve food low in points that everyone likes anyway. Fajitas on Saturday with lots of onions and peppers sauteed in a tsp of olive oil and ckn breast seasoned well and sauteed with just that 1/2 tsp of EVOO (cringe RR) served with honey whole wheat tortillas for my guests and kids with the option of a 1 pt f/f tortilla for moi. Sunday it was baby backs slow cooked in the oven for 2 hours then slapped on the charcoal grill for that sugar char from the BBQ sauce that makes them so goood. Buffalo burgers...much less fat than beef, tossed salad with red wine vinegar and a touch of olive oil, grilled corn on the cob (to die for). I also made a faux crab dip with a pkg of f/f cream cheese and some imitation crab chopped up. Covered it with cocktail sauce and served with low fat triscuts and those new flat bread wheat thins.

This can be done. I can do this.

I am so thankful for this blog and for all of you who have messaged me, made comments or have chatted with me about it. And now I'm crying. Should have written this before the weigh in as I'm sure these tears weigh a ounce or so :)

Thank you for helping me overcome this battle, and for watching me down this long, long road. Seems funny to think that a little typing into cyberspace can be so therapeutic. For the first time that I've ever been on a diet, I feel confident that I'll succeed, happy for my choices, accepting of my past failures, and
proud to be me. Perhaps come November, I'll get to live not making excuses for my weight and excuses for my eating habits. Hopefully with a new body image (and new body) I'll have youthful energy, renewed self-respect, and the right to wear all the super cute clothes I always look at but can never wear.

I'm making 30 the new 20.